109. ALL EYES ON ME

Understanding Jealousy

It was evening, everyone was trying to go home after a long day work. I saw a cute girl, preparing herself to go home by bike. She put on her mask, her helmet, her jacket, etc. What's so strange about it was, a good friend of mine circled her around, blushed his face and smiled at her. She was ignorant and proceeded to ride her bike though. I guess that was when I went after him. I asked him to stop acting crazy like he did. He should do that to me instead. I wouldn't waste one guy chasing other girls. Everybody, I mean all guys, should have their eyes on me and only me alone, even though I'm ugly of course. See also I Am Sweaty The Meaning of Love I Will Miss You Like Crazy Every Minute of Everyday, Even If It's Too Awkward

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108. WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE MY BABY?

Understanding Focus

I dreamt of giving birth to a baby girl. Once my baby daughter was born, some stranger took her away. I didn't even had the chance to hold her and milk her. I asked that stranger to return my baby, but she insisted to have my baby. She squeezed my baby so hard, I stopped trying to take my baby daughter. Finally, I guess I'd just give it to her. It was a dream anyway, and I wanted to keep sleeping. I didn't want to keep dreaming about raising a child, so I let my baby daughter go and went on dreaming other things. There were so many dreams I don't wanna miss. Let's just go! See also Children, The Cute Little Tails We Have to Feed Traumatise Your Children, So They Won't Do The Same Mistakes Again. Don't Worry, It's Education. Becoming A Surrogate Mother

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107. MARCH TO THE FRONT, MAKE A U-TURN, AND RUN FORWARD, GO!!!

Understanding Battlefront Strategy

It's hard doing battle with cockroaches. They always moved forward first, before making a u-turn and running away. I moved one step towards them, they also moved several tiny steps towards me. I moved towards cockroaches who were moving to another direction, they suddenly turned to face me instead, ready to have a front fight. The problem was, when I moved forward, and they also moved forward, I got so scared I also ran away. So both me and the cockroaches ran away from each other. I wanted to win the battle but my guts needed more practice. See also Just Trying to Defend the House House of Lizards I Don't Want Surprises

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106. JUST TRYING TO DEFEND THE HOUSE

Understanding Real Life Goalkeeper

We had another pulverization outside. It was very brief so the roaches went out limpering. They weren't dead, so they weakly ran indoor, where it's safer. I stood at the front door, kicking all roaches which almost reached its goal, my front door. Lemme introduce myself, roaches This is me, the mighty morphin goalkeeper! Muahahaha!!! See also Run for Your Life Screamin' I Don't Want Surprises

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105. MY DYING WISH

Understanding Dying Wish

Looking back, I think I did terrible terrible sins the other day by killing a lot of mosquitoes. I admit I was a little out of place because of those mosquitoes. I wonder if I'd go to hell when I die. I have to prepare everything, I have to leave this world with good memories of me. I need to put my mark, my signature in this world, so the world will remember me well. What can I do for this world that's big enough, which puts me on that wall? I don't think I wanna enjoy my life to the max, I've done it all day long everyday. Helping others, I don't have anything to donate. Becoming president, I might not have that much time. Being notorious, I don't think it makes my Mom proud. I guess I'll just go to school. I'll finish my school, get a master's degree, and die smart. Yes, at least I die clever. My reincarnation will be genius, and he / she will have more power to heal this world. See also Hulk, Hang in There Dude, I'm Coming Where's Your Car? Please Let Me Play With You

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104. WE SHOULD HAVE SCHOOL TO EDUCATE MOSQUITOES

Understanding Evil Laugh

I wonder how mosquito mums teach their children. Mosquitoes are relentless. I know they need to eat, but they never bother trying to suck the rat's blood, or carcass' blood. They chase us instead. It's unbelievable to think that they make us become their prey. They hunt us like crazy. It's also too unbelievable to think that we are the chosen one. They have preferred our human blood to other creatures. I don't know whether I should feel proud or angry, it's a mixture of both feelings. Last night, a mosquito targetted my wrist, I wiped my wrist, scratched my wrist, blocked mosquitoes from taking blood from my wrist. But no matter how hard I tried, they never stopped coming back for more. They knew the exact place of my wrist and they pointed their needles to my wrist. Sting! Fly around... Sting! Fly a bit... Sting! Fly again... It didn't bother to look around, it just kinda stung me directly and it was bullseye. I hated it so much. Two to three mosquitoes on my wrist, two around my feet, one at every other parts. It even penetrated the clothes! I couldn't sleep well last night. Then I heard its sound on my ears. Buzzz.... Buzzz... It's moaning on my ears. It asked me to pity it, and surrendered my blood!!! Oh, those disgusting mosquitoes! What happens if I get dengue! I can't sue it, I can't give it my hospital bills, I can't ask it to be held responsible! We should introduce Edward Cullen (from Twilight Saga) so mosquitoes can turn vegetarian. Then maybe we can consider marrying prince / princess mosquito later. If mosquitoes are vegetarian, maybe they're not so disgusting anymore. Hey, mosquitoes! You're like Lucifer! Your bites make me wanna hunt you down! You've made me vampires! I've become evil creature! Now I'm flying! Flying to smack you and your entire population! Die! Die! Die! (Evil satisfactory laugh) Now I can see how funny that was... See also I Am Sweaty House of Lizards Screamin'

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103. HULK, HANG IN THERE DUDE, I'M COMING

Understanding Signpost

Recently I went to a hotel visiting my friend who came from Canada to surprise his girlfriend, who apparently lived in town but I didn't know her. Surely I went there with my beloved car. Upon reaching the hotel, I proceeded to find a parking spot in the basement. Just when I turned my car to enter the basement parking entrance, a parking officer came banging at the back of my car. I was taken aback at how rude he was, I stopped to find out what happened. He banged my car like he banged a truck! Being inside the car, I felt what my car was feeling! I felt so violated! He told me the parking basement was through another gate. I told him that there wasn't a sign anywhere I wasn't supposed to know the entrance location. He replied back to me, advising me to go and ask around when I didn't know which way to go. I was gonna say I had fuggin' been in the fuggin' car the entire fuggin' time fugfuggh, but I didn't think it was worth the effort, so I proceeded to go to the supposed fuggin' entrance anyway. Later on I found out that it was actually the exit way from the basement parking. Therefore, it was too dangerous for me to go from that direction into the basement. I kept wondering why the fuggin' sign wasn't fuggin' there! The fuggin' anger is still hangin' Mister. You keep being a fug. So I can be angrier and reach Hulk mode. Then I go hangout with Hulk He finally can have friends, ... ME See also How to Drive Angry At The Right Time Please Drive Towards Each Sides of The Road, I'm Coming Through Dangerous Move You Got There

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102. NEW ONE CAUSES PAIN IN THE NECK, LITERALLY

Understanding Patience in Our Quest to Success

My Mom and I went to supermarket to browse through a range of pillows (yes, again...). Most of pillows nowadays use memory foam. I guess the foam remembers the shape of our head, so the more we sleep on it, the pillow will have a dented surface; a mark of our head, and the better we can sleep during the night. I wonder how we can survive sleeping with new memory foam pillow, because it hasn't remembered our head yet. I imagined me being impatient with the pillow, banging my head repeatedly towards the pillow on daily basis because I might need to sleep better faster. That feeling when you've become stunned all the time Too many head-bangings on the pillow See also Working So Hard At The Market Like What's Wrong With Me? The Mightiest Motorcycle in The Whole Wide World

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101. PLAYING HANGMAN WITH FOREIGNERS

Understanding Foreigners

I was with my Mum at the mall. We met a group of tourists who were asking for direction. Being kind, my Mum pinched my waist, and pushed me towards the group, asking me to help the tourists know their way around. I proceeded to interfere their conversation, looking for ways I could help them. They were glad someone came and offered assistance. It was then I realised they spoke broken English. I tried to help them, by talking a bit slower so they had time to digest and understand me. So, I had to show them my infamous trick; play hangman with them. I drew a picture or used hand gesture to express my meaning. Then they had to guess until they got the correct information. All their answers were unexpected. I didn't understand any of them. They were foreigners, remember? See also I Am Sweaty Where's Your Car? Sprinkle of Pain Relief

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100. WHERE'S YOUR CAR?

Understanding Small Talk

It was at noon, I was so hungry I hadn't eaten since morning. My Mom was at her office. She had been angry since morning, and then at noon, she asked me to go fetch her. She didn't make me breakfast, she didn't prepare any meals that day. I needed to fetch her, and also to take her to lunch. I met a neighbour on my way out, he asked about my car, Hey, girl... Where's your car? Well, I was clearly instructed not to fetch her by car, and I was in a hurry I didn't want to waste my time explaining my situations to my neighbour, I was so hungry I hated him for asking about my car, so I replied to him, It's cookin' my lunch, mate. He smiled and went past me. I smiled too, so proud because my chef was a car. My lifestyle must've gone upwards uncontrollably, I was the richest in the entire neighbourhood. See also Please Let Me Play With You Mistaken Outbreak Not the Right Time to Make Omelette

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99. FINALLY, MY SELF PORTRAIT

Understanding Selfie (Too Late But Who Cares)

I'm not a photogenic person. I need to retake many times before I finally get a good photo. I'm not a pretty girl too, so I tried many different poses but it's always very frustrating. My hair is about a shoulder-length now. If I do half ponytail, I look like a kungfumaster. If I do full ponytail, I look like a mental child. I've done a lot of hairstyles, I've changed to many different types of clothes, I still couldn't get "pretty". My Mom used to say, That's just how you look, darling. Accept it and be done with it. You're born ugly, but I love you. You're not some ugly duckling. Let's just quit doing photograph, 'kay? You know you don't fit into the camera anyway... Last night was the night I became pretty. I found a way to trick my face. I just realised that I looked prettier when I found something too hilarious that I'd laugh out loud. That moment, just before I burst out laughing, was that split second I went pretty. I had to practice this face emotion so I look pretty when I meet handsome guys. See also Doctors, What's in That Mind of Yours? Trying to Defeat The Bad Guys Like a Pro Hair of The Arm-Pits

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98. MISTAKEN OUTBREAK

Understanding The Importance of Brushing My Teeth

People say that when you have a lot of sin, your breath smells every morning so you need to brush your teeth. I was so scared my boyfriend knew that I had a lot of sin, so I diligently brush my teeth five times a day. I also drank a lot of water during the day so water can flush all the bad smell away from below. (Yes, sometimes I wet my pants too because I need to go too often that I procrastinated going to the loo. Nature's call should wait a little longer.) However, no matter how hard I try, the smell keeps coming back when I wake up in the morning. So here's a trick I once tried and everyone around me seems to also try and give it a go. One night, my boyfriend was already asleep. I went to lay beside him. Our bed wasn't that big so we had to stay close together. His head was on me so I had to place my head facing him (just in case he wanted to smooch me good night, I was ready haha). Besides, my gas was about to blow, and I was too lazy to go finish it in the toilet so I had to face him no matter what. Then, I opened my mouth, so I could let fresh air circulate through my mouth. This way, come morning, I wouldn't have bad breath. Then my boyfriend woke up and hugged me, putting my head on his chest. Nothing happened, we slept peacefully that night. The next morning, I still had bad breath, and I also remembered I didn't brush my teeth before bed the night before. Things went as usual, until one day, my Mom and I were shopping at the market when she blew her bad breath in front of my nose (she was of the same height). I didn't see it coming so I breathed her bad breath through me. She did that every so often, and I had never seen it coming. My boyfriend did that too, and I just realised that all of that began after the night I opened my mouth in bed. I didn't just opened my mouth that night, I also blew smelly disgusting breath for him to smell when he was asleep. I guess he didn't see it coming too. He might have told my Mom about this and everyone tried to send me the same disgusting signal to me. The way I see it, I think I have two choices. One is to keep sending back bad breath signal, so we're bad breathing everybody. This way, we will play bad breath outbreak. Another option is to stop opening my mouth and blow people when they're asleep. By doing this, I show everyone that I have repented and I got their point. I'm choosing the second option. I'm keeping everyone in my life. I'm nice and kind I'm obedient I'm petite I love myself See also I Am Sweaty Dusty I Have A Lot of Plans For You, My Love

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97. PLEASE LET ME PLAY WITH YOU

Understanding Nostalgia

It was afternoon. I was jogging around the neighbourhood. I was humming, enjoying the view, when suddenly, a boy walked past me carrying something secret. Then, two boys from around the corner ran towards the first boy carrying sticks and screamed, "Aaaarghhh...!!!" Then, not long after that, another one from behind ran towards the other three, his right hand made a gun gesture above his head, and then he made a silent gun sound, bkbffyhhff!!! That's too interesting to miss, he used silencer on his gun! I made a u-turn and followed him. I carried machine gun. I can also do sniper, guys Please, count me in... See also The Difference Between Animal Calling Not The Right Time to Make Omelette Hair of The Arm-Pits

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95. HOUSE OF LIZARDS

Understanding How Not To Kill

We consider house gecko as a holy animal. If everybody does it, we might even pray to home lizards for protection. It has the power to heal itself by regrowing body parts. This is like The Lizard Man in The Amazing Spiderman movie. In addition, lizards are the natural predator of mosquitoes and cockroaches, which is very important to help keep my house clean. The problem in my house right now is we have home gecko outbreak, where we have geckos everywhere we go. We have food on the table ready to serve, a gecko crosses over our food innocently by the next minute. We go to the toilet, we have a gecko watches over us and a gecko standing by the wet floor. Then we go to the kitchen, to prepare our meals where the geckos are all ready to "bless" our food. We watch TV with geckos, we also sleep with geckos lying under our bed. We walk around the house with geckos. The geckos also greet us and wave us good bye from the front door. Once, I was washing the dishes (manually), and found a big fat gecko lying there between the plates. It was drenched, and couldn't move. I guess the lizard finally found his (her) last resting place in the kitchen sink. I'm beginning to think of emptying the sink, so the lizard can breed, play, and rest there. Gecko! Nothing, just wanna scream, that's all I told you, lizards are holy... See also Cinderella, How I Hate You So Superman, Come Back to Me, I Want a Hug If You Find A Good Way to Hide, Don't Forget to Share, PRETTY PLEASE

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94. NOBODY CARED

Understanding How to Send Signal

I'm not a very good driver, and I've always been too late at honking other cars. I've decided that I'll use headlights to signal other cars. One afternoon, the sun was still up, I was driving down on a narrow street and there were two old women blocking my way. The two women were strolling nicely in front of me. I blinked my headlights to signal them. They didn't bother to look back and see me. I went on blinking my headlights again, hoping they would notice and give way. They still didn't care. I turned on my headlights this time, showing my silent rage towards these two old women in front of me. My Mom went, "You're too weird... Why do you shine on people's back?" Thank God you didn't slap me again, Mom Thank God See also How to Drive Angry at The Right Time Found My Strength: I Can Make You Feel Lonely Please Drive towards Each Sides of The Road I am Coming Through

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96. CONFIDENT KID

Understanding Smug

I was in a bus, going to work. I was bored because of the long ride to office, so I looked around, checked my phone, changed my seating position, ... something to keep me busy. Then, a little girl got on to the bus. She proceeded to sit next to me. I smiled and chatted with her. She told me she was going to school. She had an assignment from her teacher due that day. The assignment was to draw a picture of her and her family. She told me she had a hard time drawing because everybody couldn't stay still. Everybody was busy and moved around so much. So I looked at her drawing, and there it was, everyone was dinosaurs including her. I ignored it as I didn't want to be in her circle and be a dino. Then, I asked her about her Math skill. She answered she had a test the day before. She said she was smart in Math. I didn't want to go deeper. I decided to believe her without question. I could maybe ask her about a simple integral question though. I'm bigger, I'm taller, I need her to help me solve my problem. What? Why? mmMM? Problem? See also Need to Wash That Blood I Have a Lot of Plans For You, My Love Found My Strength, I Can Make You Feel Lonely

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