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Tuesday, May 29, 2018

9. ME VS NEIGHBOUR #1

Understanding Neighbour - Part 1
New House, with Neighbour's Excrement as Paint

I just bought a new house.
It was raining. My neighbour came to my house.
He claimed to have forgotten to bring his house keys.
He had to go to the toilet.
He took a dump. At my new house.
He is ...(with a shriek)
DISGUSTING


Tuesday, May 22, 2018

8. HOW I BECAME SO ALONE

Understanding Hygiene Around The House

I clean my house by myself. Once, I had someone knocking at my door and offered me to clean the house. She was my neighbour's neighbour's neighbour. She voluntarily work without payment. I didn't know what to do I let her in. I taught her how I normally clean my house, especially the toilet.

First, I told her to clean the bathroom floors.

Then, toilet tank, including the fill valve, flapper, flush valve, overflow tube, float, everything inside the tank, so the toilet tank remains clean and hygienic.

Then, toilet bowl, down to the end basement pipe, so when we poop, the poop can float happily.

After that, surely, we clean toilet grates; open the grates, clean the pipe inside. Sometimes you will get centipedes or cockroaches climbing up, but it should be fine. They are just gasping for air. It is so damp inside. That is why, you need to pour a bucket of antiseptic into the grater first.

Don't forget after that, we have to also brush the roof, the wall, and garden floors.

She backed off a little, turned a bit pale, and proceed to do what I told her to do.

The next Sunday, I tried to look for her, but nobody knows where she was.
I met her on Friday after, and she went:
"Miss, I'd rather not clean your house again. You are so expert you clean it yourself, Miss."
Then she went away.

I did what she told me to do.

I am so lonely...

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

7. NO KISS TODAY

Understanding When To Kiss

Hocchikissu (ホッチキス) means stapler in Japanese.
The pronunciation resembles hot kiss in English.
     


I learnt Japanese a while ago. I forgot most of it, but there were several words I still remember, including Hocchikissu, which means stapler. So, when my boyfriend went to the office in the mornings, I sometimes tempt him with my hot kiss.

He would slowly eased to the door and kindly whisper from the door,
"No, thank you darling. I must be going now. I don't wanna be late. Love you..."



Tuesday, May 8, 2018

6. HATING YOU SO MUCH

Understanding Greed

I buy f l o w e r s for my living room every week.
A bunch of daisies cost me around USD 5.


I met a peculiar flower seller once. First, a bundle of daisies were USD 5. I saw other customer paid him USD 4, so I asked if he could sell me the same flowers for USD 4 too. The third and fourth times, he sold me flowers for USD 4. The fifth times, he sold me pingpong flowers for USD 6. He told me they were premium quality and would last for two whole weeks. The pingpong flowers withered the next day.


I never passed that road again after that. In his dream, I can be moving to another city. Should I meet him by chance on the street, it'd be not me. Maybe my twin sister. mm.. yes, my twin sister.



Tuesday, May 1, 2018

5. SKIRTED AWAY

Understanding Politeness

Having finished working, I went home as usual.
You see, my boss was a polite person. He offered everybody a lift home.

  

I don't like to have a non-family member take me home.
So, I pretended I had urgent errand.
I sprinted off and turned right at the nearest intersection (around 10 feet away from where my boss stood).
IT WAS THE WRONG WAY.

I should have sprinted off towards his back, not front.
I continued the wrong way...