38. OUR WORLD, THE MARTIAL WORLD

Understanding Queues in Bus Station

I went to the market by bus with my Mom. First, we paid for the tickets, then we must jump over the gates with salto move.

Welcome to my world. We master Shaolin Kungfu.

We could also sit on top of the bus, but we chose not to. It was so hot outside. We loved our skins we didn't wanna get sunburn.

     

Now, imagine my Mom was your Mom doing salto

37. MY MOM IS SO ANGRY I DON'T KNOW WHY, PLEASE HELP

Understanding Angry Mama

My Mom is angry all the time.

Reaction when she feels worried: Angry
Reaction when she feels tired: Angry
Reaction when she feels stressed: Angry
Reaction when she feels tense: Angry
Reaction when she feels happy: Angry
Reaction when she wants to correct me: Angry
Reaction when I did something wrong: Angry
Reaction when somebody is angry at her: Angry back

When she is angry, she yells loudly at me in front of everybody. If we were shopping at the supermarket then she feels that the moment is right for her to be angry, she will let go her superpower, yell at me, and the whole supermarket will know she is the Angry Mama. Of course, the whole supermarket will also know that I made a horrible mistake.

Yes Mama, I will try so hard not to repeat the same mistake ever again.

  

Surprise attack: My Mom has low blood pressure

36. HOW I FEEL ABOUT WRITING A BLOG POST

Understanding HTML in Blog Writing

I've always used HTML version when I write a blog post. So, when I finished talking about something, I should end it up with end line code, which is <br />. This ruins everything, since I write while speaking in my mind. So, in my mind, I say:

I dreamt of going to a competition last night. It was a competition about creative skills and I ended up building three kamen rider robots. I thought they were so magnificent-looking, that I presented all three of them smiling to the board of juries. I was so proud of myself having made three masterpieces for the competition.

bi ar bi ar (write: <br /><br />)

The jury thought... so and so...

bi ar bi ar (write: <br /><br />)

Haiszz...

  

35. THIS IS ME, ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM, THE THORN IN YOUR FLESH, CAN'T HELP IT SO SORRY

Understanding Myself

This is quite a problem you guys. My Mom mimics my behavior. This is really a life discovery for me. I just found out that I have been a pain in the ass so far. I do want to get better, I do want to be a warm happy feeling in the ass next time. But, I am not sure how. This is so stressful.

I guess for the time being, just accept me the way I am, Ma. At least I admit it. That's really a big step for me.

  

34. IT SHOULD BE MANDATORY TO HAVE A BUNKER IN THE BASEMENT

Understanding Disaster Prevention Attempt

Disasters can come by at anytime. I won't risk losing my life over such a simple matter, such as disaster. That's why, if I were to be the Governor of this Sim City, I would build a bunker below every house in this city. Then, we could build a road underground too.

  

This way, when disaster comes, the citizen of my city can continue living underground. Mind you, the bunker is very solid; fireproof, bomb proof, nuclear proof, flood / water proof, earthquake proof, and most of all, zombie proof. The road is also very dynamic, where it can auto-seal a house immediately by cutting every possible routes to that house, and build a new road automatically.

Very sorry but we leave behind all the zombies, all the viruses, and all infected ones.

My beloved citizen of Sim City, be healthy, and vote for me.
Say YES to me !!!
YES YES YES !!!

Looking GOOD, guys

33. BOOK A MOVIE TICKET DURING ZOMBIE ATTACK, IT'S SAFE (I THINK)

Understanding Popular Places for Zombie Attack

Have you seen any movies where zombies attack movie cinemas? I can't remember any scenes in movie theatres where everybody becomes zombies watching movies. So, when there is flood, zombie attack, riot; go to the cinemas, book a ticket, watch any movies. You are safe. They even offer you some food to go in.

  

Then, when everything subsides, go home and have some beauty sleep. You are getting a lot older when you miss your sleep. Go to sleep and be good. Mommy loves you. Come on now...

32. PLEASE DRIVE TOWARDS EACH SIDES OF THE ROAD I AM COMING THROUGH

Understanding Drive Slow to be Save

This morning, I drove to the market by my house with my Mom. There was this car, which tried to overtake my car (as usual). I was about 500 metres behind that car; enough time for it to overtake safely. However, out of the ordinary, the car stopped halfway, so I had to brake, because there were nowhere else to evade. I knew for sure, that it was empty in front, so all the other cars passed my car in S-way, going from the left, towards the right of that car. (I'm not that pro yet, okay)

I honked like crazy towards that car. My Mom slapped me again. She was shocked to find I honked furiously without reason. Surely, I stopped honking, grumbled and pointed my forefinger at that car. I guess that was the end of my honking battle as I became so pretty my cheeks went so red. I think I'm just gonna drop honking.

     

Now, I use front headlights, making my car looks like it's doing eyebrowing gesture.

D'BROW BROW
D'BROW BROW
D'BRAAOOOOOOWWW....(this means I am glaring, so angry)

31. MOSQUITOES: THE VAMPIRES AMONG US, LOAN SHARKS: THE WEREWOLVES AMONG US

Understanding Vampires

Mosquitoes suck our blood to live. Vampires too. Simple.

Loan sharks charge way more than what we bargained for. They suck our blood sweats too. They are like vampires, but more hairy. Hence, we call them werewolves. Auuuuuuu... (Slap !!! You talk too much loan sharks. I won't fall for your tricks again.)

Mosquitoes and loan sharks are also enemies. They suck each others' blood. The loan sharks don't hesitate (I believe so) to snap those naughty mosquitoes, which in turn, won't hesitate to suck the loan sharks' blood (for living) too.

     

I guess, vampires era has ended too long time ago. Vampires and werewolves have reincarnated to mosquitoes now. Loan sharks are just the last remaining of them, that will turn to mosquitoes when the time is right.

GOD IS JUST

30. HOW TO DRIVE ANGRY AT THE RIGHT TIME

Understanding How to Drive

I just learned how to drive, got my driving license, and now I drive everywhere I go. I still drive awkwardly, and whenever a car passes me by, overtakes my car suddenly, I can't get my hands to honk the horn. After about ten seconds later, when the car which overtook my car had gone overtaking other cars, then I could honk. The moment has passed, and it's always too late.

     

One day, I was at a red traffic light. I was way behind the line. When the light went green, I honked like crazy. Surely the cars in front of me needed to move slowly at first, and I didn't bother to give them time. I just wanted to honk the horns. It's the only time I got the moment right. What I meant by honking was, "Drive quickly you guys, the light has turned green". Surely, my Mom, who was in the passenger seat that time, slapped me in the face. "That's too much girl. Shut up!" Then, I stopped honking and went driving like a loser as usual.

29. CHEAPEST WAY TO KNOW YOUR WEIGHT WITHOUT BODY SCALE

Understanding Body Weight

If anybody close to you has huge and strong body, and they are smart enough to know how heavy one pound is, jump onto his / her arms and see how he / she guesstimates. Your body weight is around there. That is one way to do it.

Otherwise, if you have frying oil at home, remember:

1 Litre = 1 Kilogram

So, bring several new frying oil bottles, if you are smart, bring 20 of new 4L frying oil bottles, and bring them out in the garden. Find a seesaw somewhere, then you ride that seesaw and see how many frying oil bottles on the opposite direction so that the seesaw is balanced. If it takes you around 10 bottles to balance the seesaw, it means you weigh around 40 kilograms, or 88 pounds. Try to weigh against dining chairs, shoes, books, etc. Average weight of dining chairs is 6 pounds, one A4 book containing 100 pages weighs around 15 ounces. It's hard work, but it's very cheap.

So Smart

28. WHEN FAME IS YOUR LIFE GOAL

Understanding Male Singer

I rarely watch TV. Last night I saw a very energetic singer. He winked at the audience. Surely, he felt his aura was illuminating. If only he was an ordinary person, people would have guessed he was gay. I guess, male singer really have a rough life. They need to be coquettish, even if it is against their macho nature. They just have to. It is their obligation. I felt really sorry for them.

     

27. HELP!!! I CAN'T WAKE UP!!!

Understanding Dreams

I had a horrible dream last night. My family and I were on an adventurous family trip. We went to Amazon jungle, met Tarzan, Jane, the King Kong and family. We travelled across the sea to meet various sea monsters. It was so fun that we accidentally got separated. I panicked as hell that I looked and looked for my family everywhere. Then, I felt the bed. I realized that I was sleeping, but the dream was so intense I refused to wake up. I hadn't found my family yet. Moreover, the dream was in cartoon. It was so addictive I decided to look for my family the whole day. It was a fine Sunday.

26. IF ONLY CUPID INTERFERES IRAQ WAR

Understanding Cupid's Work

I find the very idea of cupid is dangerous to human existence.

Don Juan	I love you
Lois Lane	I am so sorry, I don't love you. At all.
Cupid	She loves you. I know she said no, but deep down inside, her heart said otherwise.
Don Juan	Hey, remember the other day I said I love you?
Lois Lane	Yes, I do.
Don Juan	I still love you.
Lois Lane	I am in love with Superman. I don't think I want to communicate with you anymore. He may get jealous.
Cupid	She loves you. She is just too shy to admit it. She wants you to get jealous at her, to test how deep your love to her is.
Don Juan	Hey, why are you guys so close to each other? I am jealous !
Lois Lane	I am his girlfriend. We are getting married next week. You don't have the right. You are nobody.
Cupid	She loves you so much, she is afraid she is gonna hurt you. She is doing it to that Superman now.

That cupid ruins everything.

  

25. HAIR OF THE ARM-PITS

Understanding Those Hollows, Slots, Holes Below The Arms

Some people call them underarms, some people call them armpits.
What is that hair growing?

I used to call them armpit furs.
Then, when I got older, I learn that they are armpit hairs, underarm hairs.
They are too long to be called furs, they are HAIRS

  

24. STRAY CAT vs ME #3 (FINISH)

Understanding Cat – Part 3

One afternoon, the sun was setting, I went to the garden.
I was going to water flowers in my garden.

There was a stray cat, picking all the leaves one by one.
The cat looked like it was counting the leaves, to decide about something.

Maybe, it was deciding whether I like its presence?
Or maybe, it was deciding whether its significant others were out there waiting?

YOU ARE TOO RIDICULOUS, CAT.

I threw my sandals at it.
It meow-ed and went away.

DON'T COME BACK, CAT.
THIS GARDEN BECOMES DANGEROUS NOW.

  

23. STRAY CAT vs ME #2

Understanding Cat – Part 2

I have a lotus pond in the garden.
There are quite a number of fish in the pond.
Every morning, a stray cat takes a sip of the fresh water.
Also, the cat eats my fish as its breakfast.

My fish cannot breed that fast, cat.
Please understand them...

I BEG YOU, CAT. PLEASE STOP...

  

22. STRAY CAT vs ME #1

Understanding Cat - Part 1

Every night, a stray cat stops by my house.
It sleeps on my door mat.
It finds it so cozy that its fur sticks all over the mat.

I clean the mat everyday for the cat to sleep.
I don't like it.
My job is not to scrub, but to live my life.

HATING YOU, CAT

  

21. THE MEANING OF LOVE

Understanding Love

LOVE is not: When you eat my chocolate. And I still keep it in the same place. It is when you frustrates me, saddens me, disgraces me, disappoints me, blames me for every mess. But I am still by your side smiling, I am still there when you need me, I still welcome you back every day. Love is letting you go when you don't want me anymore. And always wait in anticipation, for you to come back to me again one day, forever. When you eat my chocolate, I would still be angry at you. Why wouldn't I be? It's my chocolate and it's a bad habit to steal. You dream too much, I tell you...